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Come on, ladies. We’ve all felt it. That feeling that summons the slightly squinted eyes, the almost-noticeable pursed lips, and certainly that glare. Oh, there is no denying that glare.
You know. Jealousy. Envy.
We’ve all had those feelings of jealousy or envy at one time or another. Remember that time when your co-worker was promoted, and you knew they weren’t the most qualified? Or when that glistening new SUV you’ve wished you could afford suddenly appears in your neighbor’s driveway?
Its funny how whenever we have these feelings of jealousy or envy, it seems to always show up at a time when we’re not very happy in our lives. Let’s talk about why that is.
Firstly, there are distinct differences between jealousy and envy, as explained by Marty Nemko, a Ph.D. in Educational Psychology, nationally renowned expert and author of numerous writings, as found here. Jealousy occurs when a person experiences insecurity over something shared between other people such as a close friend of your significant other’s. Envy, however, is the feeling of wanting something that another person has such as a new car or their Hawaiian vacation.
Knowing this, I am no different in the respect that every time I pass a neighbor’s pristine lawn, that irritating envy surfaces. We’ve all seen those lawns that are so perfectly edged, as green as Ireland, and of course free of crabgrass. Yet, I know that I tend to prefer the lawns of the northeast, where I grew up. If you don’t know what I mean, they’re the lawns that aren’t overgrown, but that also aren’t perfectly edged, rather they spread with free and jagged edges.
So, then, why do I feel envy?
Finances. Finances? Yes. Stay with me.
As a long-time single mother, I can attest to the importance of prioritizing where your money is spent. In an exaggerated scenario, for example, many parents know that it’s far more important to buy groceries, insurance, and pay your water bill than it is to spend money on all of the chemical additives necessary to obtain that pristine lawn.
Not only do I personally not have the time required to care for such a lawn, but with a little self-reflection I reluctantly have to admit that I am not financially where I used to or want to be. Therefore, I couldn’t even have that lawn if I wanted to.
It’s a good thing for me that a minor amount of jealousy or envy, Dr. Nemko states, can actually be a positive thing! This is because it has the ability to motivate a person to act upon their desire to obtain whatever it is they’re experiencing jealousy or envy over.
The concept of focusing more on the positive when you experience jealousy or envy not only helps you cope with these negative feelings. By doing so, you challenge your ability to hone a healthier mental mindset, as well as improve your overall quality of life, and who doesn’t want that?
So the next time those annoying feelings of either jealousy or envy come creeping in like a tight pair of underwear, it might be worth giving the exercise of twisting the plot into a positive motivator a try. It might take a few attempts, but the possible outcome might strengthen your mental mindset and improve your quality of life.
REFERENCES
GoodTherapy.com. 2021. Retrieved from https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/jealousy.
Nemko, M. 2021. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/jealousy.
Written by Patricia A. Brown, M.P.H., Women’s Health and Wellness Content and Social Commentary Writer, 2021.
Article photos courtesy of Pexels.com. 2021.
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